Tears of An Angel
by Dreams of Leilani
Summary: My tribute to our fallen hero, Dr. George O'Malley. In the aftermath of the season finale, our favorite characters are reeling from the tragedy. SPOILER ALERT for 5x24, Now or Never. George was truly the epitome of MAGIC! UPDATED - R&R, please!
1. Ode To A Hero

TEARS OF AN ANGEL

By: Dreams of Leilani

**

* * *

Author's Note****: **Wow, it has been WAY too long since I've updated either of my two stories: _**Look After You**__ (Grey's Anatomy)_ and _**Still There For Me**__ (Hardy Boys)_. (Cowers in a corner). My last semester of university education was, to say the least, a form of hell on earth. Unfortunately, I remember nothing but all-nighters, emotional breakdowns, and fighting with various teammates. Now that I've had about a month of recovery from the stress, I'm back and kicking with new ideas and inspiration to finish my other two stories. On a serious note, you may or may not have heard, T.R. Knight (who portrays the lovable and neglected Dr. George O'Malley) has asked to be let out of his contract with Grey's Anatomy and will not be back for the show's sixth season. While the early rumors ran rampant around the blogosphere, I admit that I ignored them, refusing to believe anything until T.R. himself confirmed it. Now that it's final, I feel a little jipped; Shonda & Co. didn't exactly give George the exit that he deserved. It is sad that at the one moment that he most needed his friends, none of them were there for him, not even realizing that it was George until it was too late. So without further ado, I present my first (and probably last) oneshot. _**Tears of An Angel**_explores the feelings of Meredith and Derek, who are struggling to come to terms with George's passing. I hope everybody enjoys it. **TISSUE WARNING – I cried a bit writing the flashbacks**.

_**

* * *

We've heard it all: the circle of life, "death is but the next great adventure", "live as if you were to die tomorrow", and "the good die young." We may accept the reality of death, but losing a loved one knocks us down in a way NO ONE can prepare for. Agony, both physical and mental, rips its way into our consciousness, leaving us reeling like a fish out of water. As surgeons, we've all felt this grief at one time or another, either by losing a patient or through personal tragedy. And in the end, the only choice we have is to mourn our loss, raise our head, and find the strength to live another day. **_

_Cover my eyes,  
Cover my ears,  
Tell me these words are a lie._

_It can't be true,  
That I'm losing you,  
The sun cannot fall from the sky._

Meredith stood under the scalding hot water that was pouring out from the shower, oblivious to the light burns that were already forming on her delicate skin. In fact, the world had ceased to exist. When she closed her eyes, all she could see were images of the bloodied John Doe. _No_, she corrected herself. _That was George the entire time_. Sweet, innocent George, who had earned the unfortunate nickname of "007" before the end of his first shift. Her traumatized mind couldn't erase the looks of terror, the eyes that begged silently for someone, anyone, to recognize him. Meredith was suddenly assaulted with memories of George; some good, some bad …

* * *

"_**You got the Nazi? So did I. At least we'll be tortured together, right? I'm George … O'Malley. Uh, we met at the … ah, mixer … you had a black dress with a slit at the sides, strappy sandals, and … now you think I'm gay. No, I'm not gay. It's uh … ah… it's just that, ah … you know … I mean, you were very unforgettable … and I mean… Yeah, totally forgettable." **_

"_**You don't understand. Me gonads, you ovaries … you're parading through the bathroom in your underwear when I'm naked in the shower… I am a man! I don't buy girl products! I don't want you walking in while I'm in the shower, and I don't want to see you in your underwear."**_

"… _**I don't like Izzie. Izzie … no. She's not the one I'm attracted to."**_

"_**I know I'm not a world renowned surgeon, and I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past. I know … but … I would never leave you … I would never hurt you … and I will never stop loving you."**_

"_**What's wrong … you're crying… Sleep- sleeping with me is really this awful for you … Why? I just wanna know why you … If you didn't want to… I don't know how to go back. No. I'm done. We're done."**_

"_**You're trapped … and you don't have to talk. I'll do the talking. George, I am truly, very deeply sorry. And I'm not going to make excuses. I'm just sorry. Look, I know you're going to get off the elevator and walk away and not look back, I know that. But George, we're friends. Real friends, and that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I'll still be here …"**_

"_**O'Malley, you are a sad excuse for a man…**_ _**You're like a whiny little girl…**_ _**Man, you got laid! It went badly. A man would move on! But you! You mope around this place like a dog that likes to get kicked! You make me sick! And if it wouldn't get me thrown out of the program, I'd smash your pathetic little face … RIGHT INTO THAT LOCKER!"**_

"_**You don't see him. Either of you, you don't see him. He's just … he's just George to you. He's … he's… he's just O'Malley, he's your roommate. He makes my world stop. George O'Malley is sweet and kind and smart and strong. And he makes my world stop, so you shut up about him."**_

"_**I used to be her roommate… Well, Meredith is anything but cold. She smiles … not that often, but when she does, you know, because she's … been going through a lot. But … it's- … it's like you feel warm. She's kind. I mean, she can be a little selfish. Yeah, she can be … she's flawed, but she's kind. She cares about people, and, uh … she cares about her patients. I think she's going to be a brilliant surgeon, you know, and around here, she's known as the one to beat. So I … I guess she has that in common with her mom, but I think the rest of her … I think … I think the rest of that, she gets from you."**_

"_**I - I didn't do you any favors… It didn't mean anything. STOP SAYING THAT YOU'RE SORRY! You wanna know something? I knew. I knew you didn't feel that way about me … even during … when we were in bed, I knew. I knew, and I still let it happen, because, um … well … I figured that … one night with you was better than never. So, will you just stop saying that you're sorry? 'Cause you didn't know any better … but I did … and ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Meredith."**_

"_**Ok, I'll be Cristina for you, if you'll be Izzie for me… Oh, uh … McDreamy was doing the McNasty with McHottie? That McBastard! How was that? Cristina enough? … We are now the people that the people we want to be with avoid… You know, we should make a pact. No more dating. Just 100% focused on our work… They are freaking corpses to us."**_

"_**He's my dad… He's my dad."**_

"_**Dad's in pain. His organs are shutting down. He can't breathe on his own. It's painful. And he's on medication, but ... medication can only do so much… He's not dad like this. And he's not going to wake up, mom."**_

"_**She knows nothing … just, nothing. She's a danger to the patients, and so I told her that she could tell the Chief, or I could, and that I wanted to let you know because … you're her friend. Although, for the life of me, I … I don't know how you two were ever friends." **_

* * *

Meredith started to shake uncontrollably. Moving herself underneath the steaming jets of water, she tried desperately to wash off the feelings of loss and guilt. How could she NOT have recognized George under all that burned and mangled skin? She had been his next best friend aside from Izzie; even Bailey had been aware of their closeness, calling her a "loving friend."

Whimpering, Meredith brought a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle the tears that she knew were close to exploding. It was then that she detected the tangy smell of blood on her hand … the hand that George had squeezed desperately before they went into surgery.

* * *

_Can you hear heaven cry?  
The tears of an angel,  
The tears of aaaaaaaa ...  
Tears of an angel,  
The tears of an angel._

Derek stood outside the bathroom, nervously pacing back and forth. His ears were alert, listening for any sign that Meredith needed a shoulder to cry on. His newlywed wife had been worryingly quiet ever since they had left the hospital. Derek knew that she needed time to grieve; after all, George had been one of her closest friends, aside from Cristina. Hell, he was hurting, too. He still remembered the jolting rush of fear when Meredith had run up to him, screaming to everybody in the vicinity that John Doe was George. Closing his eyes, he leaned against the bathroom door. Losing O'Malley had felt like a blow to gut. Derek kept hearing his false reassurance to his colleague, telling him that he was going to be able to survive another day.

"_O'Malley, it's Shepherd. You're not going anywhere, you hear me? Alright, let's put him out, NOW!"_

All other thoughts flew out of his consciousness when he heard a heartbreaking "NO!" issuing out from behind the closed door. Without hesitating, he barged his way into the bathroom. Meredith had sunk to her knees, howling uncontrollably as she scrubbed furiously at her hand, which had turned red from the repeated action.

His eyes filling with tears, Derek walked up to the bathtub and climbed in, wrapping her shaking form in his arms. He didn't care about the scalding hot water that was soaking joyously into his jeans and shirt. All he knew was that he had to help Meredith with her pain. She gripped his shirt tightly, sobbing, "I can't believe he's dead! George … he was going to join the army. He was going to help people, and now … now he doesn't have a chance to do that. It's George, Derek! He's always there for us, and we weren't there for him. We weren't there …" Meredith's voice broke as she buried her face into Derek's shoulder, overcome with guilt and anguish.

Derek didn't even know how long they stayed in that position, both of them shedding hot tears that rolled down their backs. All that mattered was getting the chance to grieve for the man who, before their very eyes, had slowly evolved from "007" to a true hero.

* * *

_Stop every clock,  
Stars are in shock,  
The river will run to the sea._

_I won't let you fly,  
I won't say goodbye,  
I won't let you slip away from me._

_Can you hear heaven cry?  
The tears of an angel,  
The tears of angel ...  
Tears of an angel,  
The tears of an angel._

_So hold on,  
Be strong,  
Everyday on we'll go,  
I'm here, don't you fear._

_Little one don't let go …  
Don't let go!  
Don't let go!  
_

_Cover my eyes,  
Cover my ears,  
Tell me these words are a lie._

-RyanDan, TEARS OF AN ANGEL

**

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Closing Remarks****: First of all, thanks for reading! I can only hope that this provides a tiny bit of closure for the character of George O'Malley. I was originally planning to have Owen, Cristina, Callie, and Bailey make an appearance, toasting their fallen colleague. But I felt like this was a more fitting goodbye for this heroic character, without making it sound too cheesy. What do you guys think? **


	2. Meeting You Halfway

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Author's Note****: **Okay, I lied ^.^! I was originally going to keep this story as a oneshot, but due to this being my most popular story thus far, I've decided to expand it and reward everybody! A HUGE thanks to all the people who read the first chapter of this story (especially **natzbadfairy** and **signaliduna78**). Enjoy part 2 of _Tears of An Angel_, revolving around Owen and Cristina's reactions.

_**

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For doctors, graduating medical school is a glorious time. We're taking our education and leaving our mark for future generations. We enter our professional lives with enthusiasm, anxious for the chance to make a difference in people's lives. However, each one of us must eventually face **__**the case**__** … the one that makes us question our ability to keep going in the aftermath of death and overwhelming guilt. No doctor can escape this tragedy. No one. At the end of the day, all we can hope for is salvation.**_

_I've never gone with the wind,  
Just let it flow …  
Let it take me where it wants to go._

_  
'Till you opened the door … there's so much more,  
I've never seen it before._

_  
I was trying to fly,  
But I couldn't find wings,  
But you came along, and you changed everything._

Cristina sat in her room, throwing worried glances at Owen every so often. Every since they had come home, the former Army trauma surgeon had been unusually quiet. He had been like that ever since coming out of surgery, barely speaking two words as he walked away from the OR. What confused her even more was the lost look on Meredith's face as she came out after Owen. He had followed her home, and when she had invited Owen in, the only indication that he had even heard her had been a barely imperceptible nod. Now he was lying flat out on her bed, arms crossed and supporting his head. But what scared Cristina the most were his sightless eyes … they gazed at something only he could see. With a slight shudder, she remembered the only other time she had seen him like this; when he had tried to strangle her. _Stop it_,she told herself firmly. She would be damned if she grew scared of Owen again; after all, she had finally professed her love to him. The time that they had spent apart had hurt her deeply, but their shared love had been the necessary catalyst to finally get them back together. Well, technically it had been Meredith and Derek's impromptu City Hall wedding that had pushed her to take the plunge, but no one needed to know that.

_You lift my feet off the ground,  
You spin me around,  
You make me crazier, crazier._

_  
Feels like I'm falling,  
And I am lost in your eyes,  
You make me crazier, crazier,  
Crazier._

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" she began in classic Cristina Yang fashion. Wincing as Owen started, she reached out a hand and touched his cheek. "I'm sorry, but what's going on? You've been so dark and twisty ever since coming out of surgery with that John Doe. Did something go wrong? It's not like you to be so emotionally involved in a case..." She suddenly stopped talking, shocked into silence when Owen turned to look at her, his eyes slowly filling with tears. Automatically, she pulled him close to her body, awkwardly rubbing circles on his back. She felt his hot tears soak her thin t-shirt, just like it had on that fateful night. Completely confused as to what was causing this reaction in her usually tough boyfriend, Cristina wasn't prepared for the hurried words that spilled out of Owen's mouth. "O'Malley is dead."

"What?!" she cried out in shock, pulling away to look Owen in the eyes. The anguish that she saw deep in his blue eyes only confirmed what she had hoped was a cruel joke. Reeling, she fell back into her pillow. _So that would explain why Mere was acting weird._ But how could George be dead? Callie and Bailey had been demanding for them to take part in an intervention at lunch, so how could George have died in between lunch and now? "George was in surgery with the Chief," she reminded Owen quietly, still refusing to believe that Bambi was dead. It was too surreal that Izzie had flatlined on the same day that George had supposedly died.

Owen sighed. "The Chief supposedly gave O'Malley the day off, since he was leaving for barracks tomorrow. He was dragged under the city bus for a block." Gently cupping her face, he kept his gaze on her. "O'Malley _was _John Doe … John Doe was O'Malley. We just didn't realize it sooner, since he was pretty much unrecognizable. Grey told us that he wrote '007' on her palm; that's how she knew it was him. Cristina, believe me, I wouldn't lie about something like this. George is dead."

Cristina sucked in a shuddering breath. Before she knew it, her mind was stirring up recollections of her often rocky friendship with George.

* * *

"_**GEORGE! Beer is … dripping from your nostrils!"**_

"_**Destructive, uh, aggressive hell dog available…**__**That's not helping… Fine, uh, playful, protective puppy needs a home… No touching… You want to be! You want to be me, but you can't be me! You want to be me-" **_

"_**Stop pouting… I'm not pouting… Oh, please, I don't even have to look at you, I can feel you pouting. Whatever Meredith did, it wasn't on purpose, so get over it already… I'm not being inappropriate, he's acting like she skinned his puppy… I'm not a nice person."**_

"_**You're a pervy little boy, George. And you're not finding the cap… I'll do your dishes for a month… I don't do dishes… I'll do your laundry… I don't do laundry… Maybe that's why Burke likes having me around… Interesting, interesting. Are you having sex with him… No… Then he likes having me around more… Why's it always have to be a competition? What do you want for the cap… You out of the apartment… I'm not leaving until Burke says I have to leave… Then you're not getting the cap. Now clean up my crap… NO!"**_

_**"This is the women's restroom… Burke told me to do whatever it takes… Ow, ow, you're touching me… Give it to me… That's my breast… Give me the cap… That's my breast!"**_

"_**You paged me. What is Burke doing in there… I did a pre-op echo. His aortic valve is leaking. He won't make it through the surgery unless we replace it. It's just a valve replacement, George, he's going to be fine… What's wrong with Burke's hand… He's going to operate on my father!"**_

"_**Do you know why I picked you to by my Dad's intern? Because you're a robot. You're a freakin' robot in a white coat who never makes a mistake. And most days, I appreciate that. Most of the time, I really feel like I have something to learn from you. But right now, I need you to try to be a human."**_

"_**George is the best… He's the best intern. He's a good doctor, and a good person. And whatever happens, I just thought you should know that you raised a good person."**_

"_**Your dad better get something interesting wrong with him real fast... You're sick. You're a sick, horrible person."**_

"_**You decannulated a heart this morning… I did not... Yes, you did. And when we were fishing, I noticed something weird with his hand, like it had a spasm... OK, why are you even saying that? It's not funny… I didn't say it was funny, I said it was weird. And him letting you decannulate a heart is weird… Um, you should sit with your father, cause if you want something to worry about, you should worry about him."**_

"_**Could you stop looking at me like that? It's creepy, and makes me feel like you haven't been fed."**_

"_**There's a club ... the dead dad's club. And you can't be in it until you're in**_

_**it. You can try and understand ... you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss ... my dad died when I was 9. George ... I'm really sorry you had to join the club… **__**I ... I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't… Yeah, that never really changes."**_

"_**I'm saying … enemas can be a serious business… Okay, Izzie, enema's code for what?" **_

_

* * *

Cristina. Cristina! "CRISTINA."_ The gentle but firm command snapped her back to the present as Owen gazed at her, all the while stroking her hair. Closing her eyes, Cristina tried not to give into the tears forming behind her eyes. After all, she was Cristina Yang … and Cristina Yang never EVER cried. Taking a deep breath, she whispered in shock, "We were set for an intervention at 6. And Alex was probably all ready to beat the crap out of George. And now he's dead? Oh, my God. Oh, my God …" Trailing off, the floodgates burst open, and in that one moment, Cristina decided to screw dignity. 007 was dead. The man who had shared so many moments with her was gone … he would never be around for her to call him Bambi ever again.

Owen embraced her tightly, shedding his own tears for the loss of such a great doctor. O'Malley had shown so much potential in trauma. In the back of his mind, Owen had always believed that just choosing trauma as his specialty wouldn't give George the full potential to shine. But he had kept his thoughts to himself, knowing that not everyone wanted to join the army and serve the country like he had. It was only when O'Malley had approached him that very morning that he had found out that he had enlisted.

"_**Dr. Hunt!"**_

"_**Oh, hey, O'Malley. I was just looking for you. Do you want to be on my service today?"**_

"_**I'm going to be in surgery with the Chief in ten minutes. Um, I actually … I wanted you to be the first to know this … I enlisted in the army as a trauma surgeon. I leave tomorrow."**_

"_**That's great! You're going to come back with more experience than you could hope to gain as a trauma resident here. Congratulations!"**_

"_**Thank you, sir. And now I'm going to go find Dr. Bailey and tell her this. She's gonna be SO pissed at me."**_

_**They had hugged, and that had been the last time he would ever see George O'Malley alive and in one piece.**_

"I convinced O'Malley to join the army." Shaking his head, he pulled away from Cristina and buried his face in his hands. "The entire time that George was on my service, I always wondered in the back of my mind if was stopping him from getting adequate training in trauma. I kept thinking that he would be better off serving in the army; it gave _me_ the best experience and preparation to contribute back to the field of trauma. But now I realize that George might not have been ready to serve. It's my fault. If I hadn't agreed to see that C.O.'s subordinate, O'Malley would have been content to continue training for trauma under me. If he hadn't enlisted, he would have been in surgery with the Chief. I killed him, Cristina! I helped hand him a death sentence… Jesus Christ!"

Owen gripped his hair as his suddenly traumatized brain recalled snippets of conversations, all of them having to do with O'Malley or his bright future in trauma.

* * *

"_**You're good at this. You're thinking ten steps ahead of what you're doing, not many people can do that. And the hairier things get, the calmer you get. That's not something you learn, it's something you're wired with. Have you chosen your specialty yet… No, sir… It's trauma."**_

"_**All day … all day, you were teaching O'Malley, and you ignored me… O'Malley wants to be a trauma surgeon; you've already declared cardio. I didn't DO anything wrong today."**_

"_**Sir, I know it's tough, but I would personally be really grateful if you try and stay alive for the next few minutes."**_

"_**I've seen people come back from worse."**_

"_**How do you think O'Malley's gonna do over there? You think he can handle it… No, I don't… I think he's gonna surprise us all… I think he's coming back in a body bag… I think you all should just shut up! Just shut the hell up! Please, just shut up!"**_

"_**We have you, O'Malley. You hear me? We have you. We'll fix this. Just stay with us!"**_

"_**We're losing him!"**_

_

* * *

I watched from a distance as you,  
Made life your own.  
Every sky was your own kind of blue,  
And I wanted to know,  
How that would feel,  
And you made it so real._

_  
You showed me somethin',  
That I couldn't see,  
Opened my eyes and,  
You made me believe …_

All of a sudden, he realized that Cristina was talking to him. "No, you're not doing this," she ordered firmly. Gripping his chin, she forced him to look her in the eyes, softening her tone. "Hey, look at me. You're not doing this … alone. You told me that we can do this. You told me that everything will be okay; that all I had to was meet you halfway. Well, I did. I'm here, and you don't have to do this by yourself."

She took a deep breath, blinking back tears. "And you can blame yourself all you want, but you know what? O'Malley made the decision to enlist, not you! And for what it's worth, I'm proud of him. I may have thought … actually, still think … that him joining the Army was the dumbest idea that he ever had. But he died knowing that he had found his life's purpose. He died a hero, and I think if he saw us like this right now, he'd be pretty damn pissed. He would want you to keep saving more lives, instead of sitting around and mourning for him."

Remember the technique that Dr. Dickson had taught her, she gently stroked Owen's hair, hugging him close to her, much like she had done when he had experienced a nervous breakdown. For a long time, they remained in that position, drawing comfort from each other. As Owen broke away to wipe away the remnant of his tears, Cristina took the opportunity to pull out her BlackBerry Pearl. Dialing the familiar number of her best friend, she waited impatiently until Meredith's shaky voice answered the phone. "Hey Mere, do you mind if Owen and I come over. I think a shot of tequila seems fitting today." As she listened to her best friend's reply, the ghost of a smile crossed Cristina's face. With a short "we'll be there in five minutes," she hung up and pulled Owen to his feet. Together, they walked towards The Emerald City Bar, a place that held so many memories for their group of friends. Yes, this was the appropriate place to drink a toast to their fallen colleague. The right way to say goodbye …

_

* * *

You lift my feet off the ground,  
You spin me around,  
You make me crazier, crazier._

_  
Feels like I'm falling,  
And I am lost in your eyes,  
You make me crazier, crazier,  
Crazier, oh …_

_Baby you showed me,  
What livin' is for,  
I don't wanna hide anymore!_

_You lift my feet off the ground,  
You spin me around,  
You make me crazier, crazier._

_  
Feels like I'm falling,  
And I … am lost in your eyes,  
You make me crazier, crazier,  
Crazier, crazier,  
Crazier …_

-Taylor Swift, CRAZIER

**

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Closing Remarks****: Thanks for tuning in for a second chapter! Love it, hate it, want to burn it? I'm not sure if I wrote Cristina to be too humane, but I do believe that Owen has changed her for the better. And for what it's worth, I think that Hunt might experience some guilt on his part for George's death … just putting in my two cents worth! Please leave a review:). **

_**P.S. So should I continue with Callie/Arizona and Bailey/The Chief's reactions, or is this a fitting goodbye? Give me opinions!**_

_**

* * *

**_


	3. Memories

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* * *

****Author's Note****: **I sincerely thank the readers of _Tears of An Angel_. For some reason, this story just flows naturally out me:). Interestingly enough, this chapter gave me a chance to explore Callie's feelings for George. Her surprisingly callous attitude with Arizona ("George…sweet, kind George, who can't even kill a fly is joining the army to go to Iraq in the middle of the war, and you said awesome.") brought questions to the forefront of my mind after watching the Season 5 finale, and her "thoughts" mirror my thoughts. Enjoy part 3, written in the perspective of Callie and Arizona.

**

* * *

**

_**It's been said that "memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." Graduations, weddings, anniversaries … they all come to mind as the biggest events of our lives. The thing is, we never learn to cherish the most important thing until it's too late. We regard it as a mere grain of sand in the vast ocean of life, something to take for granted. It's only through tragedy and anguish that we open our eyes to the most cherished treasure of all: love. The steady force that never leaves your side, no matter what the circumstances. The one that banishes abandonment; the pillar of strength in a hurricane of desolation. **_

_Memories,  
The love I left behind,  
I still think about it all the time._

_Nothing stays the same,_

_Maybe I'm to blame,_

_Oh, I … I'd it all again._

Callie stood outside the door to the morgue, wavering with uncertainty. Every surgeon that had been working the John Doe case had scattered as soon as they had lost George, leaving him stark naked on the operating table, still bearing the signs of the trauma that had taken his life. She had watched in detached fascination as the OR nurses patiently, almost reverently, stitched up his broken body. Despite his tragically short career, George had always been well-liked by the nurses. He had been the doctor who took the time to grace them with a gentle smile and thank them for their hard work. He had been the man decent enough to forgive and forget the whole syphilis episode with Olivia; the only one who had been brave enough to side with them and cross the picket line as a nurse.

George had always tried to be the voice of reason. After all, that was how he had been raised, growing up with strict but loving parents, and two older brothers whose only purpose in life was to wreak havoc for the youngest O'Malley. In Callie's eyes, he had been the breath of fresh air in a cutthroat field; the rare diamond in a bag of charcoal. That was what had attracted her to him: the goofy grins, his ever-present fear of Bailey, perseverance in the most difficult of situations, and his undying devotion to the people he loved. Of course, the latter had only served as the catalyst to break up their marriage, but Callie didn't like to dwell on the past. She had always been extremely successful at focusing on the future.

Now, however, leaning against the one barrier that separated her from the cooling body of George O'Malley, she found herself wishing that she could turn back time. Callie wondered what life would have been like had she fought harder to save their marriage, cherishing the moments that they spent together instead of spending every waking second fighting about his relationship with Izzie Stevens.

_Through these eyes,  
I've seen a thousand lies,  
And it's taken years to realize._

_Nothing stays the same,  
And no one is to blame,  
But I … I'd do it all again._

Shuddering, she gathered up her shattered courage and pushed past the door. Once inside, she slowly made her way over to the gurney bearing George's still frame. Even though his face remained horrifyingly disfigured, burned beyond recognition, Callie thought that he still looked peaceful. Without warning, the tears began rolling down without accord. In seconds, her face was soaked with moisture, but she didn't care. The first person that she had ever truly loved was now dead, taken from them all because of his selfless act to save a woman he didn't even know. Blinded by her own tears, Callie somehow managed to find his cold hand. Lifting it to her lips, she gave him a tender kiss, hoping to instill warmth in him, even if only for a second. Feeling her knees going weak, she slid down to the tiled floor, still grasping George's hand like a lifeline.

**

* * *

**

"_**It's really not so bad… Yes it is. Pick your poison… Uh … no pain killers, thanks. Bold choice… No, I just, ah, officially, I'm on duty… And planning to stay… Bolder choice… All I need is help, ah, popping it back in… You got into a fight… I fell, fell down some stairs… Single, huh… It hurts less if you don't see it coming… All set." **_

_**"Hi, this is George O'Malley calling. You gave me your phone number. I know I should've called you sooner, but I'm calling now, and I just wanna know if maybe you wanna go out with me sometime … because I love to watch you set bones, and I … oh, I rarely spend that much time in a women's rest room. And I really like you. So, is that a yes?"**_

"_**I found Izzie. She said she had a patient… I knew you'd take her side… What… He needs an IV."**_

"_**I'm in the middle of analyzing an x-ray, and your friend Meredith starts asking me about her dog. Her dog, George. She wants a medical opinion about her dog... She likes her dog… Why are you defending Meredith… What… I get Izzie. I mean, I don't, but if you wanna defend Izzie, that's fine. I- I don't get how you can defend Meredith… Hey. We're interns. We all started out together. Meredith, Izzie, Cristina, and me … we started out together… George, that woman hurt you as badly as anyone can be hurt. You were devastated when I met you… Hey. They're family. Izzie, and Meredith, and Cristina … they're- they're my family. I can hate Meredith, and I can - I can be angry at her, but I'm always gonna defend her. So you don't have to forgive Meredith, but I do… If you want a chance to be part of the family, yeah.**__**"**_

"_**I love you. I'm sorry. Um, I - I didn't mean to - I just – I - I have verbal diarrhea, and I'm a moron. What are you thinking? Are you - are you freaking out? Or… George, I need your help. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important… Okay. I'll call you? Later… Sure."**_

"_**You never called… What… Last night. We had plans. You went off with Izzie, and you never called. You said you would… Yeah, a lot of stuff went down last night… What exactly happened… I can't talk about it… I'm not gonna tell, George. It's me. Look, it's Vegas. What happened in that room, stays in that room… Okay, yeah I get it… Hey… Do you wanna go to prom with me… No, George, NO! I don't want to go to prom with you!**__**"**_

"_**Hey, I've was looking for you. Where are you going… I'm wearing a dress, I have on heels, I shaved my legs. I'm going to the prom… You said that you didn't want to go… No, I said I didn't want go with YOU… Callie… I said I love you. I said it. I said it out loud to your face, and ever since, you - I've never said that to a guy before … never. And now, I'm just this idiot who says I love you, and then gets avoided… No, I'm not avoiding you. I promise… Are you going to say it back… No… I can't believe you. No George. Let me go. George, let me go. Let me go. Let me go… Stop fighting me. If I say it back right now, you know I'm just saying it because you said it to me. When I … when I say I love you, I wanna mean it because - you just have to give me some time to mean it… I hate that I'm so into you.**__**"**_

"_**Don't take it personally. It's the doctor thing… Four years of high school, four years of college, four years of med school. By the time we graduate, we're in our late twenties, and we've never done anything except go to school and think about science. Time stops. We're socially retarded. I mean, look at me. I'm in love with a guy who won't say he loves me back, and here I am in his kitchen cooking, just hoping he comes home and notices me. I mean, I'm a total freak. I'm that girl in the back of the class who eats her hair… This is high school with scalpels…"**_

"_**You intimidated my patient. You got a problem, you bring it to me… I'm not ready for us to move in together… And if you weren't a toddler, if you could use your words, then maybe you could have said that the first four times I asked you. And then I would have said, 'Oh that's funny, me neither.' I'm looking for a place. I'll be out in a week… Really? Because remember you… George, save it. I'll be out in an hour.**__**" **_

"_**I got fried chicken, extra crispy. Coleslaw. Peach cobbler. Beetle Jump and Samurai Ambush… The other night when I told you I was done trying to compete. That was me breaking up with you… No. I think I would've noticed that… Except you didn't. Which is why I broke up with you."**_

"_**I don't want to waste another minute…**__**I can't have sex with you again, George. I can't, I just ... enough with the sex…**__**Since my dad died, I, uh ... I feel like someone ripped out my stomach and filled the hole with asphalt. I laugh every time that I remember I'm never going to talk to him again, because it just sounds like the stupidest thing I ever heard. I can't believe it's real. But ... every time I look at you ... I feel better. It shocks me. It knocks my wind out, but it's the truth. And I don't have to have sex with you. I'd be happy just to look at you from across the room. And even that … any piece of you, I mean, hopefully all of you, that'd be the best thing...because I love you… George… Marry me. Will you marry me?"**_

"_**OK, you're gonna live… Callie, wait. I was a little bit heroic in there. I thought you'd be proud of me… Proud? You were poisoned, and you thought it was about me… It felt like an anxiety attack… ABOUT ME! You see, we were fine when we were in our Vegas bubble. When it was just room service and pay cable and us. It was all bliss, but then you get around your weird and judgey friends for ONE DAY, and suddenly, you're wracked with uncertainty. TOXIC GAS LEVEL uncertainty. I guess it was too much to just hope you'd stand up for me… Callie… And my middle name is Iphegenia. OK? I can't wait to hear what your pals have to say about THAT."**_

"_**Hey. It's the little women. So what are your plans now? You're not moving in are you… Wait. Unbelievable. People! You're supposed to be my friends, my closest friends. Callie is a big … she's the important part of my life now. If you want to drive her away, and you're masters at it, you'll do it. But if she's gone, I'm gone. She's my wife. Calliope Iphegenia Torres is my wife. Don't you dare."**_

"_**Enough … ENOUGH! I will not be run off. I am here, George wants me here. And if you can accept that, that I love him to, then maybe we could be … I don't know, friends?! Or you can keep on the way you are and be that person that George used to know… You don't get to decide that. George decides… Oh, I know what he'll decide. And if I were you, I would think about it long and hard, because you cannot afford to lose another friend. Not when people around you keep... Keep dropping like flies? Is that what you were about to say?"**_

"_**It was an accident! I was pissed off. Why can't you give me the benefit of the doubt that maybe sometimes, I'm on your side… Because you choose your friends over me every chance you get… No, I don't. I married you, and I haven't talked to my best friend in weeks. Meanwhile, you lied to me about where we live and why. You lied to me about your background; you lied to me about your family! And still, I'm the dog who gets whacked on the nose with the newspaper, all the time! WHEN IS THIS GONNA STOP?!**__**... **__**Oh, so this is my problem?!… Yeah, maybe it is!... Oh, the fact that your best friend violently disses our marriage every chance she gets, publicly … repeatedly. Why do you think she does that, George; you ever think about that… She's having a problem with this, I understand that… SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU!...**__**What… She wants you. She's wants you; that's what this is about. That's why she hates me. George! George, do not laugh at me. DO NOT LAUGH AT ME!... Just shut up!... Callie!**__**... **__**This is my hotel room that I paid for; with my HUGE piles of money. GET THE HELL OUT OF IT!" **_

"_**I can smell you're clothes through the closet door. Did you tie them up in a plastic laundry bag… Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I guess I can live with it."**_

"_**Don't talk. I know it's not fair, and I know it's not your fault, and I know there's nothing going on between you and George, I know that … except there is. You're his best friend. He loves you. He gets you, he needs you. And I'm just ... I'm his wife. And I know ... I get the sex, and the commitment, and the life with him … but I want him to get me … and to need me; and I can't compete with you. So I am asking you to please, stop ... just stop. Find another friend, or whatever you do. Just give me my husband back."**_

"_**So I take it you still want to talk. Yeah, I do… No… No, I... No, you don't. George, please. Just ... please, please don't say anything. Please. I am asking you as your wife. I am asking you not to say anything. I am asking you to just not. Not tonight. I am your wife. Do this for me?"**_

"_**You feel terrible? You took advantage. He was your best friend. I tried to trust you ... so much, I had convinced myself that it was all in my head, that I was crazy. But I wasn't, was I… It's not bad enough that you humiliate me by getting in bed with my husband. You have to humiliate me at work, too. George might be the one that broke his vows, but you ... we're women, Izzie. You did this to another woman. You ... took something from me. You stole something from me like a petty little thief. YOU are the one who should be humiliated. YOU are the one who should be ashamed. YOU are the one who should ... don't you DARE come to me for forgiveness, you traitorous bitch.**__**"**_

"_**OK, so I get why I haven't been camped out at Izzie's beside holding her hand today, but... We're not talking about this… Why not… Maybe it's the fact that I asked Izzie A HUNDRED TIMES what was wrong, and she just ignored me. And then, there's the fact that when she actually needed help, she trusted CRISTINA! Of all people!... And then there's the fact that she's your best friend, and she might die on you. There's also that. Come on. We are going to go wait for Izzie … come … GEORGE! You were my husband, and you slept with her. You are the reason that I wished her dead. You owe me this. You can lie to yourself all you want, but I know you. I loved you once, and I know that you care if she lives or dies."**_

"_**Run. Run for your life!... What do you mean run for my life?... Whoah!... Oh, my god, DAD!... Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you right now!... Dad! Stop it!... You committed adultery… Who hasn't?"**_

"_**No, do not! Do not Calliope me. OK, you said it was **__**awesome**__**. **__**George**__**. Sweet, kind, **__**George**__**, who can't even kill a fly, is joining **__**the army**__** to go to Iraq in the middle of a war, and you said **__**awesome**__**."**_

**

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**

_Does it really matter if you got it right?  
Does it really matter who was wrong or right?  
All I know, yes, I know that I can make it through._

_  
What about you?_

_But ain't no way it's gonna change me,  
'Cause all the fear I've left behind,  
And only time will tell you what is meant to be._

_There's a place,  
I can't let go,  
Holding all the dreams I used to know._

_  
I wish it was the same,  
I guess no one's to blame,  
But I … I'd do it all again.  
_

The strong arms that suddenly wrapped around her yanked her violently from her thoughts. Uttering a yelp, she jumped up and spun around, fists curled and ready to punch, only to come face to face with her startled girlfriend. Sighing in irritation, she relaxed her defensive posture. "UGH! You scared me! What the hell are you doing down here, anyway?" Arizona only smiled sadly, fully aware that Callie's sharp tone was only a defense mechanism. "I came here to offer you comfort. That's what girlfriends do. So if you want to talk about George, go for it. You want to get wasted and deal with your loss on another day, I'm with you. You want to scream and yell obscenities at me until you're hoarse, be my guest. Whatever you want to do, I'm here." Choking back the emotion, Arizona continued the speech that she had rehearsed so carefully upstairs. "I stand by what I said earlier. What George was going to do was brave and noble, and I'm so honored to at least have known him for a little while. _I'm_ feeling this loss, so I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling. But Callie, you're not in this alone. You don't have to be the only one down here in the morgue right now, mourning his loss. We _all_ lost an irreplaceable colleague today."

Callie glanced at Arizona, trying to speak over the lump in her throat. "I know I'm not alone. But Arizona, all my life, I didn't understand the meaning of 'normal'. My parents' money destroyed every relationship I ever had. George … he was my _husband_. And even if it was just for a little while, he let me feel like I could actually live a normal life." Walking into Arizona's beckoning arms, she allowed herself to be embraced. Drawing comfort from her girlfriend's warmth, she relaxed into the hold for a few moments before letting the tears fall again. Her voice muffled, she whispered, "Do you know what? After George's dad died, I stood by, helpless. I didn't know what to do. The only comfort I could give him was way too much sex, but after I drew the line, do you know what he told me? He said that it felt like there was an empty hole inside of him. He thought that the stupidest thing that he had ever heard was never being able to talk to his dad again. And I didn't understand it at the time. But now that I'm standing beside his body in the morgue, I … I feel like something in me died with him. There's a chunk of my heart missing now that he's gone, and I just don't know how to move on from this. I loved him before … I slept with him in the same bed, and I couldn't even recognize him in the one moment that he needed comfort and support."

Arizona lifted a finger and pushed under Callie's chin, gently imploring her to look her in the eyes. "I don't know how to help you lessen your pain; everybody has a different way of grieving. But I truly hope that what I'm about to say is going to give you an ounce of comfort. I talked to Mark before coming down here; he knows what happened. He wants, with your permission, to perform a complete face transplant on George before his mom gets here in two days. We both think that this is the least he deserves after all the good he did as a doctor."

Callie was caught off guard for a moment. "Me? I'm his ex-wife. Legally, I don't have the right to make decisions for him. His mom … oh, my God. Louise doesn't even know about this yet! I completely forgot to tell her …" Arizona clucked her tongue, shushing her. "It's okay; it's been taken care of. Bailey already told me that she's personally going to deliver the bad news. I know it's going to be tough on everyone. It's just that when Mrs. O'Malley comes to pick up George's body and starts to make funeral arrangements, I think she'll want to see the face of the man that she raised. And I know that she'll still love him and miss him no matter what, but don't let Mrs. O'Malley remember George looking like this for the rest of her life. I _know_ you don't want to make this decision for George … but Callie, you told me that you still love him. You're swimming in an ocean of guilt right now because you think you weren't there for him. Maybe doing this last thing for him will give you some peace of mind. You're the closest one to him, aside from Izzie. He always trusted you; don't let him down now."

Callie fell into silence, biting her lip in contemplation. She had loved Mrs. O'Malley since their first encounter. Even though the older woman had been terrified due to her husband's hospitalization with _esophageal cancer, she had still welcomed Callie into the family with open arms. Even after George and her had divorced, the O'Malley matriarch had remained on good terms with her, meeting up for the occasional lunch or dinner whenever Callie's schedule permitted. She had loved being an O'Malley, even if it had only been a short while, so maybe giving Mark the go-ahead for George's face reconstruction would allow her to repay part of Louise O'Malley's kindness._

_The sudden shrill beeping of her pager startled her out of her thoughts. Pressing the correct button to silence the irritating noise, she glanced down at the message. Glancing at Arizona, she mumbled, "It's Mark … he wants to know if I've made a decision yet. What should I do?" The ghost of a smile crossed the blonde's face for a brief second before she lovingly caressed Callie's cheek. "You know what to do, Calliope … just follow your instinct."_

Rolling her eyes at the corniness of her girlfriend's statement, she squeezed Arizona's hand for a brief moment, silently thanking her for her steadfast support and understanding, especially in this situation. Drawing in a shaky breath, her fingers automatically dialed the number of her best friend. When he picked up, she felt the tears start to fall again, trickling slowly down her puffy and swollen eyes and into her mouth. Angrily clearing her throat, she nervously ran a hand through her hair. "Hey, Mark. Arizona just told me about your idea. I'm giving you consent; go ahead with the surgery." Listening to him rambling about the surgery and how he was going to perform it tonight, she zoned out, almost missing what he said next. "We're all meeting at Joe's in fifteen minutes. A gathering to celebrate his life…" He drifted off, not quite sure what else to say. Forcing out a choked, "we'll be there", she hung without another word.

Turning to her girlfriend, Callie whispered, "Arizona, I'm sorry. I know that I'm not being fair to you. It's just … every time someone mentions anything having to do with George, I start crying. I'm turning into a pregnant, hormonal woman!" she growled in frustration. Smiling at the last part, Arizona wrapped her in a hug. "Callie, you may be a hell of an ortho surgeon, but you don't have to be strong all the time. It's understandable why you keep crying over George. He was going to have a brilliant career, and it was just tragically short … and he was your husband at one time or another. You made memories together; it's natural to grieve. And you don't need to apologize to me. What you need is _time_ to mourn; when you look up, and you're ready to move forward, I'll be right there."

Smiling for the first time that day, Callie gently kissed Arizona's lips. "Thank you." Grasping the offered hand, Callie started to make her way out of the room, sparing a last backward glance. Stopping at the door, she paused in respect for the heroic man who had sacrificed everything for a stranger. "Bye, George. I hope wherever you are, you're happy." Swallowing back the emotion, she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. Pushing through the doors, she felt like she had finally found the courage to face a future where she would never again hear the humble lilt of George O'Malley's voice.

_

* * *

Does it really matter if you got it right? _

_Does it really matter who was wrong or right? _

_Looking at my life today, and I'm all right,  
Yes, I'm okay._

_  
Now I see the world in a better way,_

_And I know, yes, I know that I can make it through …_

_Memories,  
The love I left behind,  
I wish it was the same._

_  
I guess no one's to blame,  
No, no, nothing stays the same,  
And everything must change._

_  
Oh, I …  
I'd do it all again._

_  
Oooh, again,  
Again,  
Again …_

-Backstreet Boys, MEMORIES

**

* * *

**

**Closing Comments****: Man, my chapters just keep getting longer and longer. A little over 16 pages on my word processor! Whew, sorry for the Callie angst! By the way, I have no idea if doing a face transplant on the deceased is even ethically permitted, but it **_**has**_**happened before. Mark certainly treated George like dirt, but that was before he and Lexie got close; I want to believe that he has matured enough to offer doing something like this for Callie. Besides, they're best friends, and I feel that would be a very sweet gesture on his part. I hope that when Season 6 starts, Shonda lets everybody show some kind of emotion over losing their fallen colleague. When this chapter sprang into my mind, I have to say it was definitely NOT this sad. But when I started researching all the Callie and George moments, I was struck by how much I missed their relationship. Sure, it was filled with drama, but what relationship isn't like that? And despite the fact that it didn't work out for them (along with the fact that I find her and Arizona a very cute couple), I stand by what I said earlier in the chapter … Callie still harbored a certain love and soft spot for George. Thanks for tuning in and putting up with these ridiculously LONG closing comments. By the way, I sincerely hope that this chapter doesn't fall victim to the kinky formatting again, like the last chapter did. It annoys me to no end. Hope everybody has a great and safe rest of the week … next up, Bailey and the Chief! I'm saving the most angst-ridden chapter of all (I predict) for the finale - Izzie and Alex! Toodles for now:)! **

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